Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for March 30

This week we discussed disposal of spanking toys and the possibility of heirs discovering them.

CEM: The only way to assure no one found anything would be to dispose of it all now, as anything could happen at any time. But then if I live another 50 years...go without? Nope. Too many implements, links, homemade movies, photos, books both written by me and others, blogs, still have CDs, even old VCR tapes sitting around somewhere. So I guess at that time "someone" will just find everything and wonder "Who the hell was this guy"? and either be intrigued and fascinated, or offended and repulsed. :) 

Wendel: In our home in Ireland the paddle already hangs proudly in the kitchen for all to see and the strap hangs in the front hall closet. They will never be disposed by us even if we lose interest or can no longer spank. The hope is that when we are gone whoever collects them will continue to spank with them. 

A.J.: Already have. (Not that there were many as my preference is my/her hand.) But it was easy as the couple I did have were everyday items you see around anyone's home.

Now working on the photos!

Note: Any pics on your computer, cell phone, etc., are probably duplicated - even if you have deleted them! - on the cloud. Deleting all your pics is a multi-step process.

Mija: That's a great question. I don't have kids and a lot of people think I'm pretty strange. Paul has access to all my accounts -- so I guess he'll be stuck with my digital debris -- I hope the pictures get sorted. For my implement (mostly hairbrushes) and uniform collections, I think I'll look for a boarding school for wayward adult students. 

One of my great sadnesses is that when Alex Birch passed away his family took down his blog. I get why, I guess, but I did enjoy it. 

FL: I'm widowed, live alone. I don't have much in the way of paraphernalia but it'll give my (adult) kids something to talk about when I'm gone. 

Prefectdt: I have made no plans at all. Perhaps someone can pretend to be taking the pile of stuff down to the recycling park, whilst really thinking “YOOHOO! I am going to have fun with all this stuff”. Or at least the employees down at the recycling park can get a good laugh at what has turned up. :)

Jack: At one time my wife/mommy did not want others to know that she spanks her husband other than her mother who encouraged it. Now, others know and so the bathbrush which hangs in the hall, need not to taken down. 

Bonnie: We decided that when one of us departs this world, the other will have the responsibility to dispose of our spanko stuff. If I am the survivor, I would probably retain a few items as mementos.

If I go first, there's no telling what Randy might do. He jokes about selling thousands of our private spanking photos and videos on the internet. I could be the first posthumous spanking model. I care, but maybe I don't care. It would be his problem at that point.

If we die together, our poor daughter could end up dealing with the aftermath. I hope that doesn't happen.

Rosco: I guess I assume one of us will go first and the other will toss them. Its possible we both go together and a child or someone would open the locked box and probably discreetly dispose of the paraphernalia.

I don’t know if they’d be surprised. I suspect they’d know who spanked whom, but maybe they wouldn’t be certain.

Barrel: I've never thought about it until now. If she goes before I do, I will retain what we have in the hopes our arsenal can continue to be put to good use, unsure who will be on the receiving end. Then as I wane, perhaps offer them privately through a group like this? If I go first, I am sure my wife will dispose of them just as she did with the vhs tape and caning guide I bought from Aunt Kay when I bought our two delrin canes. 

Dan: When our kids were young, I had an arrangement with a close friend that, if something were to happen to both my wife and I, she would take possession and dispose of a locked trunk that we kept all our spanking implements (and some other kinky stuff) in.

Today, I not only don't care if our now-adult kids find that kind of stuff when we're gone, it kind of gives me a chuckle thinking about the scandal. KD Pierre has a cartoon I've always loved that depicts a couple going through the wife's grandmother's stuff after her death and finding all sorts of kinky stuff. I think it's funny as hell and am fine with the prospect of my own adult kids having a similar experience.     

Donn: Something my wife and I had never before seriously considered before Hermione posted this question. So the two of us talked about possible "kink inheritances" last night.

Her thought, if I might die first, was to toss everything except for one item as a memento. I thought that was a good way to deal with it, so that's also my plan. We did briefly discuss of either of us might resume DD with a future partner if one of us was gone. My wife was certain I would try, so she was happy with my plan to NOT use any her toys with any other woman. My wife was uncertain if she might resume with a different future husband, but she did say it certainly depended a lot on how he behaved toward her. Frankly, I would not want my wife using our toys with another man, so her disposal plan works for me.

What would happen if we both died in some a terrible accident (auto crash)? My youngest brother is appointed the executor of my will and would be responsible for the final inventory and distribution of property. He is very kink friendly (for a long time he ran a BDSM Sensory Deprivation Group in a large West Coast City), so I'm sure he will find some appropriate "cause" or "charity," either here in LA or up the coast where he lives.

Mark: As a kid I confess to doing a bit of snooping into my parents stuff, and not so long ago my daughter confessed to doing the same growing up... so I don't think that there will be any surprises to her. Accordingly I've done nothing about it. If I go first, I expect that my wife will dispose of then.

Hermione: If I go first, I assume Ron will dispose of everything. If he goes first, or we become unable to remain in our home due to physical issues, I'll dispose of our things. The books will be placed in the various Little Libraries that have sprung up in our neighbourhood. The old laptops with all my blogging stuff will go to an electronics recycling place. The implements will go to a thrift shop, perhaps in several shipments, to give the employees some fun. If we suddenly go together, Ron's son will have to deal with our kink.         

      

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #584

My last post appeared on blog rolls just as it should, so I am hoping the Blogger glitch has been resolved. We are expecting some pretty bad weather over the next 48 hours so I have prepared this post a day in advance, in case we have no electricity on the day I usually publish.

It's not a subject we like to think about, but preparing for the future is something that we all should consider doing. This topic was suggested by a good friend and regular brunch attendee.

What plans have you made to dispose of your spanking goods (toys, books, implements, clothing etc) in the event that you can no longer use them because of age or infirmity? If you happen not to prepare, who are you afraid might find them and discover your secret passion after you are gone?

I invite you to leave your response as a comment, an once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish the results of our discussion.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Now You See Me...

...now you don't. Whether this post pops up on anyone's blogroll or not, I hope you enjoy it.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for March 23

Prefectdt noticed that my brunch post did not show up on any blog feeds. I have no idea why this happened so thank you to those who showed up anyway.

 What if your spanking partner no longer wishes to engage in that activity? Here's what you said: 

Wendel: I have never run into that situation. The Misses has been the only one for me and does not show signs of ever losing interest.
If The Misses decides not to want to partake in spanking I will just accept it. Obviously, I will give her one more sound spanking just to see if I could change her mind but she is My Misses and I love her no matter what. 

Anon: Well, Hermione, you sometimes post some risky questions, possibly not understanding the range of possible responses.

My wife and I had been in a long-term D/s (F/m) relationship that included a lot of spanking for 29 years. Then one day when I (half) jokingly suggested she should spank me for something I had done that severely annoyed her (many times in the past). She responded: "I've always hated that; hated the whole thing. It's disgusting!"

Well, we never managed to reestablish any form of honest communication after that. Her story and position kept changing, and I could never tell what her true feelings were. That is, except for the "spontaneous utterance" of emotional speech.

That was basically the end of both physical and emotional intimacy and romance for us. I couldn't stand for her to touch me; dreaded the prospect that she might try to initiate something. I went into deeper and deeper depression, eventually requiring double and triple doses of antidepressants, multiple types of AD's at the same time. I was cycling, long term, between being OK, then having to suppress my needs so strongly that I would drive myself back into depression, then requiring even strong AD's to prevent self-harm. I would rise up again from the AD's, but then the needs would come back to strong I had to press myself back down with all my strength.

That all started that one awful day about 18 years ago. All those 18 years of abstinence in all forms.

About three years ago I decided to go off the AD's and give it one last chance to save our relationship. Over several months I started conversations about how I thought I was who I was; why I had these needs. How these needs had been with me my entire life, since I was a young child. How I has struggled, and coped with multiple rejections until I had met her. I made a few lighthearted references to her possibly spanking me. The result was always the same: she's either totally ignore me, or repeatedly (verbally) "slap me down!"

After recovering from that last attempt, about 2 years ago I went to her, on one knee, and most sincerely apologized to her for my not understanding her feeling the conflicts she must have been feeling during the first 29 years of our relationship. She just sat there. She wouldn't acknowledge my apology, must less "accept" it and possibly forgive me. That was the end!

About six months later she started to have severe, critical health problems. She was diagnosed with severe vascular dementia, and it steadily progressed. After multiple hospitalizations and surgeries, about one year ago she started confusing me with her older brother. About six months ago she couldn't recognize me as anyone else she knew. About four weeks from now she will be transferred to a special, full-time care facility (close to where the rest of her family lives). There they will have both specialists, as well the attendants who will take over her feeding, bathing and diaper changing. In effect, she has passed away, while still being alive.

I'm not sure where I will go now after 47 years without my best friend. I'm 67 years old, very smart and very fit. Most friends and acquaintances think I am more like 50 (it gets tiring having to repeatedly pull out your driver's license). I've tried posting some profiles at various online dating sites, listing my real age, and no one interesting will even look at me -- basically no one under 63 has ever contacted or responded to me. I'm not particular about looks, but I do care about intelligence, gross obesity and total lack of any physical fitness. Right now, it looks like I'll either have to lie about my age or give up. (Certainly little or no chance I'll meet someone compatible in the grocery store, plus it's creepy hitting on someone just trying to go about their everyday lives.)

If I could do anything differently, I would have been more probing and insistent that my wife talked about ALL of her feelings during those first 29 years. She certainly appeared to be enjoying herself, and our lives together, but she was hiding her internal conflicts, possibly in hope to make our relationship work. It is only possibly to suppress some things for so long before something breaks!

Prefectdt: This is only a theoretical scenario for me. But definitely number 1 “Discuss the situation and try to find out the reason for the decision?”. Finding out why could help a lot. If that has no result, then direct to number 4 “Discuss the possibility of finding another spanking partner for yourself?” But there already would be other spankers. I could happily stay sexually and emotionally faithful to a long term partner, but I would never lie and say that I would not look for play with multiple partners, right from the start of the relationship.

A.J.: I'm going to go with: "OK. If that's your choice. But now you have to find me a suitable replacement, who also has to meet my approval. Friend, pro, whatever - Your job!"

Anon 2: 1 and 2 with hoped success or compromise. If not, then 3.

KDPierre: This is a complex issue with no simple one-size-fits-all solution. For me, depending on a myriad of other defining circumstances, the response would range from everything listed to even the extreme but possibly inevitable conclusion of ending the relationship.

There are a lot (too many if you ask me) people who see spanking as this weird thing that anyone must feel absurdly grateful for having indulged, while other forms of sexual or domestic expression are to be expected as a person's due. I call "BS" on that. I see no difference from a partner suddenly refusing to spank and one suddenly refusing to kiss or indulge in sex. Both are legitimate, and both withdrawals indicate some problem of a deeper kind. 

Mark: I agree with KD. It is one thing where a particular variant of sex is no longer physically possible, but another entirely where one decides not to play. I'd be being spanked one way or another.

Hermione: I might ask why he made that decision. But if he was no longer interested, I'd understand and accept it. Ron is still my one true love, and spanking is part of our mutual sexual experience, so the paddles would be put away. I'm monogamous, and would not pursue another relationship with anyone else.

 

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #583

Hello and welcome back! This week, let's consider the following scenario that we first discussed ten years ago:

You have been in an intimate relationship for several years with a person who enjoys spanking as much as you do. One day, your partner tells you that he or she no longer has any interest in spanking, and will not participate in any future activity. What would you do? 

1. Discuss the situation and try to find out the reason for the decision?
2. Try to talk your partner out of the decision?
3. Quietly accept it?
4. Discuss the possibility of finding another spanking partner for yourself?
5. Look elsewhere for a spanking partner, but don't tell your partner about it?
6. Some other possibility?

I invite you to leave your opinion as a comment, an once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish the results of our discussion.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

A Blast from the Past

From 1990 to be exact.

The lady knows what she likes.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for March 16

What three words describe your emotional state before a spanking?

Jack: My first three words are always 'I'm Sorry Mommy'. My wife learned from her Mother that husbands could be little boys and especially naughty little boys and should be punished like naughty little boys. When I know I'm getting a spanking I just want to let her know I'm sorry. She said she knows but I will really know once I get off of her lap.

Wendel: Before every spanking, paddling, whipping: Oh Yea Baby!
When The Misses makes me strip to whip my bottom: Oh My God!
When she makes me strip for a paddling before a girl’s night out: I’ll Be Good.
After every spanking, paddling, whipping: I Love You.

Roz: Three words that describe my emotional state before a spanking are, excited, nervous and aroused.

FL: Roz captured it perfectly: excited, nervous, aroused. And it goes between all three leading up to the moment of, "Get over my knee."

Prefectdt: Fear, Joy, and Adventure.

Fear - Of that first part of the spanking, when it is just a lot of pain, before the magic starts happening.
Joy - If I did not think that it was going to be fun, I would never do it in the first place.
Adventure - Every spanking is different. You never know how it is going to go. It is always an adventure.

Dan: Anxious, nervous, and yet aroused.

Rosco: Relaxed, aroused, grateful.

I do know it’s going to hurt, but I know that’s temporary. The relaxation comes from the elimination of all distractions. Some people meditate. I get spanked.

Barrel: Anxious, relieved and appreciative.
Anxious about the pending sensation; relieved the time has come and appreciative that I am about to get spanked.

A.J.: "In anticipation of a spanking..." The implication - I'm the one about to "get it!"

I don't have three words, but I do have six:
"I can't believe I'm doing this!"

And that's when she smiles and tells me to get otk.

When it's reversed and she's the one otk, I do have three: "God, I'm lucky!"

Bonnie: Just three? A hundred would be so much easier.

How about excited, concerned, compliant?

Mark: Excited, scared, nervous.

Hermione: Aroused, anxious, appreciative.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine